I’ve never found the perfect words to write down neither my true chaotic entity’s dimension nor my heart attacks, and I won’t…
Never found appropriate ones to tell somebody or at least myself…words that define my perspective about this world that I don’t even know and I don’t want to. Words that confess the silent way I’ve been through those “loud” years I lived. God knows the depth and the sight.
I say “chaos…knives’ stabs…faces collectors…escapes…chained tears…love wonderland…religion’s truth…fun or mom who lived the hell just for me and sister to survive…the many times I faced death because I don’t know why…dances through the wind and rolling in the greenness that still make me feel comfortable. The piece of bread and cheese is enough…they had those burning words but I made mistakes that I definitely learnt from and I’m thinking of making few more”. Yes! the mistake has been my dream of a colorful sky were I’d have my little brother Isaak whom I learn how to swim and to ride a bike and when he comes back from school, I’d be the one whom he’d hug tight before mama. That would be me, another one more though and unseen…then I go back to that desperate fight with my eyes shut.
I’m proud of every single big, small, rough, fake, teasing, loving, disturbing, dramatic, choking, funny, happy, sad, said and mysterious word that made me none and everything of that, and I’m grateful that my heart still beats, louder and faster than he’d never beaten before!, and I’ll keep on being as real as I’m meant to be.
Lotfy Angel
Never found appropriate ones to tell somebody or at least myself…words that define my perspective about this world that I don’t even know and I don’t want to. Words that confess the silent way I’ve been through those “loud” years I lived. God knows the depth and the sight.
I say “chaos…knives’ stabs…faces collectors…escapes…chained tears…love wonderland…religion’s truth…fun or mom who lived the hell just for me and sister to survive…the many times I faced death because I don’t know why…dances through the wind and rolling in the greenness that still make me feel comfortable. The piece of bread and cheese is enough…they had those burning words but I made mistakes that I definitely learnt from and I’m thinking of making few more”. Yes! the mistake has been my dream of a colorful sky were I’d have my little brother Isaak whom I learn how to swim and to ride a bike and when he comes back from school, I’d be the one whom he’d hug tight before mama. That would be me, another one more though and unseen…then I go back to that desperate fight with my eyes shut.
I’m proud of every single big, small, rough, fake, teasing, loving, disturbing, dramatic, choking, funny, happy, sad, said and mysterious word that made me none and everything of that, and I’m grateful that my heart still beats, louder and faster than he’d never beaten before!, and I’ll keep on being as real as I’m meant to be.
Lotfy Angel
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